what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
