Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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