You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
