life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
