im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
