look no pants
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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