Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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