literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
