while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the gays at disneyland are vicious
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
