If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Non-Jews are for practice
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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