scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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