new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
