dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
