My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize