So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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