Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
