mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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