as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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