He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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