my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
your room smells of hookers.
And success
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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