Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
