if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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