I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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