I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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