Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just cropdusted the office
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
