How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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