well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
