so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
