come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
