Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
