We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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