the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
