I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
