I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
