You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
