My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Randomize
