I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
