she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
