Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
