My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
