A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
