Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
