Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
