Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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