ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
