so explain again why im purple
no
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just gargled with NyQuil
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
