just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
