that's an acceptable place to lick
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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