Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
