Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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