when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
