my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
