I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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