Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
