hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
