Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
