So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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