you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
