Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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