remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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