FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
