There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
