I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
