new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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