Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
her vagine was all disorganized.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
