I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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