I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I touched a dick in church today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
why is half of my head shaved?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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