I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
