I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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