Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i need some magic done to my vagina
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
