when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
