The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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