Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
