Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
