who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
