you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
