I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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