Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
