I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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