Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
