woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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