Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
two words...techno handjob
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sobbing to NWA
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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