I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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