but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
