Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Please, let me fuck your mom
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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